Thursday, April 7, 2016

Five Dating Principles to Think About

I have been contemplating making a relationship post for a few reasons. Well for one I am not a relationship or love guru. Although I've received quite a few requests for dating posts I was not exactly sure how to go about doing such a post. It's taken some time but I think this post should be a good start. This post is a few dating principles I personally believe in. I think they can serve any woman well in the dating game. You don't have to agree with everything I've written and perhaps you only agree with one or two principles because the rest are off putting to you. However I will say "just chew the meat and spit out of the bones".

You should be strategic in dating
Being strategic means knowing that your beauty, youth, and time as a woman are extremely valuable in the dating market. While all three are valuable I believe time is one of the most vital for a woman because once time is lost it cannot be made up for. I watch a lot of Ted Talks religiously and one of my favorite Ted Talks is by a psychologist Meg Jay, titled why 30 is not the new 20. She also has a small book the Defining Decade is based on the talk but I don't believe it to be as good. Meg Jay in her talk is realistic about biology and says your 20s is a developmental and trans formative sweet spot. The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. Being intentional is setting out a clear plan and goal based strategy when dating. I would suggest to make a list on what your most critical needs and wants are, what is actually available and what you have to offer. Then on that list plan out the time frames and what your end goal should be. 

No romance without finance 
Now this dating principle may be a bit vexing to some modernists or those how abhor all traditional dating rules. I myself like a blend of the traditional and the modern when it comes to dating. So with that said, I don't do dutch. No way am I agreeing to splitting the bill for a date. A man in a relationship (or potential) should be helping not hurting you, therefore he should be graciously paying for the date. This is setting a basic financial tone of expectations in the potential relationship. Now not everyone agrees some say this it's the modern times so fair is fair, and rah rah rah something equality rah rah rah something feminism. Well I will just say this there is no such thing as equality in sexual politics of the genders (But that's for another post). Expecting the man to pay for the date is not gold digging. Any man who likens paying for a date being similar to gold digging is not worth dating point blank period.

Never place all your eggs in one basket

By not putting all your eggs in one basket is just equivalent saying do not date one man with an automatic expectation of the end goal being to enter an exclusive relationship. Dating one man can cause a case of pinning after him, lowering your standards if loneliness sets in. There is also the possibility of giving the man the upper hand. I do want to state before any confusion starts to settle in, dating more than one man is not in any way equivalent to having sexual relations with multiple men.  Dating more than one man at a time, just means you are assessing various men for a potential relationship. Naturally as the dating continues you may see that one guy isn't your cup of tea or the other guy gives glaring red flags. Eventually you come to the end of dating game and have the choice to remain single or settle down with one man if there is an offer of an exclusive relationship on the table.

Always Trust Your Intuition

A woman's intuition is there to guide her and it's extremely critical to listen to it intently. That's why the saying always trust your gut is a timeless saying. If you feel suspicions about a guy there is bound to be a red flag popping up shortly in the dating phase. Listening to your intuition can you save time, heartache, and energy. Ignoring your intuition can lead to frustration, dead ends, an wasted energy. Your intuition as a woman is that inner feeling when something is off balance or not quite right. Accept what that gut feeling is telling you and do not attempt to rationalize it away.

Tamara Johnson-George and her husband Eddie
A man should love you a little more than you love him

Very rarely do most relationships consist of a 50/50 balance where both the guy and gal are head over heels love with each other. Usually one admonishes the other more a little more. This position gives the woman a slight advantage and reassurance in the relationship. This advice does not equate to dating men you do not like in hopes of eventually liking him, nor does this equate to settling for what's left in hopes of not being lonely. For a man to love you a little more than you love him, you have to start with loving him as well. Naturally this balance of power doesn't always last, it eventually shifts itself especially in long term relationships and long marriages. Love itself fluctuates and has it's highs and lows like everything else. Its the initial phase of the dating & relationship that you gauge whether the man loves a little more. Now I'm sure someone may think or even say "isn't that selfish on the woman's part?" This may be the case and that's okay. I am fine for advocating women being a little selfish in this in this manner when looking out for her best interest.



  1. Great post! Ironically after reading your post, I went to read posts on a black women space on FB and all of these tips were there. I loved Meg Jay's TedTalk too! I heard about her book on a few blogs that I read, so I decided to watch her video. I am even considering getting her book. If you don't mind me asking why do you think the TedTalk is better than the book?

  2. Hey girl. Thank you :) Glad you like the post and the Ted talk I personally prefer the talk because the book does not feel very fleshed out. There was no extra dialogue or information in which I can say the book is also very useful. Alone on its own the book is good for those who have not watched the Ted Talk. The talk is more powerful, motivational, and cuts to the core of the message.

    1. Thanks for the response Colleen! I've actually found an article that expounds on major points made in the book.

    2. No problem :) Hey great article.

  3. I love this post. Very insightful! I like it particularly because several of these principles serves to protect women. I've seen a lot of heart break with some of my girl friends and it saddens me to see them having to rebuild themselves from relationships that ended badly. While some problems are unavoidable I feel that at least some situations can be avoided through these principles particularly, "A man should love you more than you love him." I agree. :)

    1. Thank you :) Yes these principles help to avoid some situations in dating. They are also a good reminder on what standards or guidelines a girl should have.