Consistency Makes All the Difference

Consistency makes all the difference in establishing effective habits and accomplishing one's goals. So this year I am establishing daily positive habits and routines that will push me into accomplishing this years goals and furthering my self development.

Fluency in Spanish

I am aiming towards reaching the intermediate level in Spanish. At the moment I can comprehend, and communicate beginners Spanish adequately. However, I need to push my comprehension skills further and absorb the Spanish language at a more accelerated pace. So I will be giving myself a curriculum with flashcards, Spanish textbook, Memrise app, and the Spanish media. A daily study of two hours a day is my daily language goal. Currently at my part time job I am surrounded by Spanish speakers, so immersing myself in the language several hours a day at work will definitely be beneficial for me.

$1000 Emergency Savings Fund

Having an emergency savings for a rainy day is so crucial and fundamental to being an independent adult. Many financial advisers and books I've come across seem to agree having at minimum a $1000 emergency savings is a good starting point. So for this year I will be following a build a $1000 emergency saving challenge that takes 44 weeks. Although this is one year long financial goal, I have several financial habits I want to establish routinely. One habit I am implementing rigorously is staying on budget. Whatever the established rules are I must follow and that includes having to focus on my needs versus my wants. In another blog post I will cover needs versus wants in budgeting. Staying on task with proper budgeting to me means being less of a mindless consumer. There is always going to be new things I want but sometimes you must delay instant gratification for long term satisfaction.

Thriving Blog

My very first published blog post was in January 2014. That was four years ago to be exact! I had so many topics, areas, and ideas I wanted to cover and write about. I still have a plethora of topics I want and will publish in the near future. However I want to see this blog go forward with a specific vision and thrive this year. So going forward I will establish weekly habits to research my blog topics, write, doodle, and plan them, and then publish on a weekly basis. Considering my usual posting style on this blog was not on a consistent basis, this year I am pushing my limits to do much better.

Clear Radiant Skin

Clear radiant skin has always appeared elusive to me due to my acne scarring and hyper pigmentation. This year I am adamant about changing my skin for the better. I've always had a decent skincare routine consisting of cleansing, moisturizing, and the occasional face mask. I love the idea of using both traditional skincare methods such as clay, rosewater, diy natural facial masks, and modern skincare such as advanced sunscreen, chemical peels, and vitamin extracted serums. Nonetheless, this year I am in the process of implementing a strict morning and night routine complete with double cleansing, moisturizing, vitamin c serums, peels, daily masks, and upping my water intake.

Reading Goals

I have a moderate sized and eccentric book collection that surprisingly fits in my closet shelf next to my purse collection. In my collection there are titles on the history of bohemians, art of seduction, hostessing for the modern woman, gardening, herbs A-Z, baking in America, history of spices, African American history, and novels of all sorts. However a good portion of these books are unread and sadly untouched. I unfortunately have that tragic habit of buying an intriguing book based on its subject or synopsis but never making the plans to actually read the book in it's entirety. This year I intend on correcting that tragic habit by reading all the books already in my collection and the necessary books on my pinterest list. The books I deem necessary on my pinterest list are to further my self improvement goals and become further well read. For every month I will have a streamlined book reading list that subjects will cover strategy, relationships, self-improvement, and biographies.

Cultivating Friendships

My grandmother has a daily ritual of laying down in her bed, pulling out her address book, and dialing up the number of a loved one she wanted to speak with. She does this everyday, calls someone she hasn't heard from in a while or she calls someone she spoke with just recently. The length of time never really mattered to her. See my grandmother in her old age values and cherishes her friendships simply because she has valued them in her youth. She sees the value of wonderful healthy friendships, so she has actively cultivated them in her younger years. Tending to them with love, and attention, growing the friendship with time and devotion and patience throughout the years. I unfortunately cannot the same thing for myself. I have, and have had wonderful girlfriends but somewhere along the line the phone calls become less frequent, the lunch dates began to dwindle, and the friendship ends short. So I'm at this point in my life wondering where did I go wrong and how can go forward and do better? The other day I was recently listening to a television show in where the judge said a very important line that caught my attention: "Some people are so self-involved, that they don't have room for anybody else." That particular line tugged at my heart because I saw myself in what she said. Sometimes I become so self involved with myself and my own life I forget to check in with others and touch base. I essentially become a ghost to the people that were originally close to me. When your by yourself so long constantly consumed by your own thoughts and feelings its difficult to jump out of your self indulged world and into reality. One of the reasons I'm writing this blog post is to be more intentional about cultivating and maintaining my friendships. The habit of not keeping in touch with others is a poor and an inadequate way of navigating life. In fact it's a terrible character flaw I need to work on immensely. Having lasting friendships is about being committed and being supportive of someone other than myself.  This is one of those beneath the surface issues that I tend to ignore and not face reality about. However, it's something I can no longer ignore. So in going forward and doing better I will intentionally work on cultivating and continuously nurturing my friendships. These are some of the ways in which I am intentionally going about cultivating lasting friendships:

• Open your phone book at least twice a week and pick a friend to call
• Check in with a local friend and schedule a lunch date for the month
• Take the time to think and reflect and write a personal touching letter to a dear friend
• Make a care package for an out of state friend
• Be more flexible and less flaky on scheduling time together
• Be thoughtful and offer help in any way needed gas money, studying together, a listening ear, babysitting days
• Write down a friend's accomplishment in my agenda and find a way to celebrate it. Perhaps bake their favorite sweets, offer dinner, buy a bouquet of their favorite flowers

If you have any ways of cultivating and maintaining lasting friendship please share below in the comments.

Natural Hair Talk

I have natural hair texture privilege.

Please let that statement sink in for a moment. To further explain, my hair when soaking wet and dry is naturally curly without any product. It morphs into a curly afro that always elicits compliments. My hair is afro textured but falls under the curly end of the spectrum in which it's labeled the "good grade" of hair. I don't ever recall in my childhood having been mocked for my hair, teased, or ridiculed. In fact, all my life my hair was praised and admired by everyone, especially the Black women in my family. All the same while, cursing their own hair and considering it unruly. Now this is not to say I never had my own hair problems. I do remember at one point begging for a relaxer in the 6th grade because I wanted long straight hair like all the other girls in my class. I am thankful to this day that a good friend dissuaded me from doing, so I was never initiated into the relaxed hair circle as the other Black girls my age were. However, this did not stop me years later from severely damaging my hair due to my increasing addiction to my newly fangled flat iron. So yes, even with all the adoration and compliments from everyone around me, growing up for years I still had daily battles with my hair.

  

However, even with my own hair battles, I have always known, even more so now, that I have hair texture privilege in the natural hair community. I hear comments from other Black women complimenting my hair not for it's hairstyle, but its defined curls. Usually in the same sentence lamenting their own kinky hair. This observation is important to mention because of the increasingly prominent position curly hair has as the face of the natural hair movement. While Black women with napps, kinks, and poofs are pushed further back as secondary or non existent. Black women with kinky hair are not glorified and exalted in the same manner as curly hair is in advertisements and online communities such as YouTube, pinterest, and Tumblr. The same can be said in real life surrounding conversations on natural hair. I watch the way some YouTube beauty gurus lament over not having defined curls or hair resembling the actress Tracee Elliss Ross. I understand it, I really do, but I am here to say natural Black hair, the curls AND the kinks are lovely and divine. I used to be offended when my hair was not seen as Black enough because it was that "good grade of hair." Someone was always commenting on how I must have Indian somewhere in my family. I'm no longer offended, but deeply saddened on such comments but more understanding of where that line of thinking originates from.


Natural Black hair in its afro textured state is not a curse or a flaw. Rather, it is a gift and it is beautiful, period, point blank! The whole point of the natural hair movement was to learn to love, embrace, celebrate, grow, and have pride in an honest and positive manner, specifically for kinky textured natural hair. Now that I am more aware, I make it a point to always compliment Black women on their hairstyles, never emphasizing curl texture. I always talk with little Black girls about their hair on how wonderful, lovely, and unique it is. I share tips that I've gathered from books and internet sites to family, friends, and strangers on properly caring for and growing natural hair. However, most importantly, I monetarily support quality Black women owned hair care lines and businesses that use healthy and non-curl obsessed ads that exalt both kinky and curly natural hair as beautiful and lovely. So here is my tribute to lovely Black women in their natural tresses curls AND kinks.

 


 

   

   

On Building Confidence

Where Does One Gain Confidence?

I am a self professed introvert with a bit of extrovert tendencies. What does that mean exactly? It means I crave solitude and I'm revitalized by my own energy, as in not the energy of others. In fact, I delight in my own solitude for days on end by diving into the world of books, surfing the internet, writing in my notebook, or just baking in the kitchen by myself. However, that alone time tends to distort my frame of mind so I have to actively push myself to socialize with others. When I do this,  I find myself  amongst others. I'm electrified by the energies of family and friends and by the engaging and nourishing conversations I have with them. However I do best with small groups of people, perhaps a group number of no more than five or six; if it is any larger I tend to feel anxious, jittery, and full of nerves. My personality by nature is reserved and observant until I can find common interest with someone. It did take a long time for me to become comfortable around strangers and people I'm not familiar with. Especially given that I genuinely prefer my own solitude. So how did I actually get to that place of comfort meets confidence.

Knowing Who You Are

One of the biggest confidence builders I find is knowing who you are as a person. It took me quite some years to come to a place of being at ease with my own personhood. My high school experience was mentally draining and extremely taxing on my emotions, with the first few years of college following a similar pattern. It was not until I recently found my footing, that I can say I am in love with my own personhood. I have come a long way from my teenage self and now have become more refined, observant, and more in control of my emotional state. With that being said, I have come to the realization that when you know yourself the confidence just exudes from within and you fashion an aura of a woman just content in being. Knowing who you are is knowing where you stand in the world, what you contribute, and why you matter. Well what if you do not know yourself as of yet? What if you are still wandering in search of her? I say "fake it till you make it!' If you are unsure of yourself spend time alone and just practice self-love and becoming a better version of yourself. Practicing self-love can be a daily habit of journaling, exercising, tending to a garden, reading for knowledge and nourishment, and taking up a new hobby such as baking. I also think being self critical and taking note of  your strengths and weaknesses is crucial to knowing who you are as a person.

Smiling is Not a Sign of weakness but Rather a Sign of Strength

On building confidence. In an earlier blog post I raved about the Smile of a Carefree Black Girl. A smile on a woman is like seeing a lovely flower blossom. Smiling is one of the ways to building confidence and is an invitation which lets others know how open you are. No not the fake unauthentic smiling like some people do in pictures but rather the lit from within smile. So I smile when I see someone nearby. I smile when I make small small talk. I smile when I greet strangers. I smile when it rains. I smile when I'm thinking to myself and I smile at the end of the day knowing I can just shush the worries of the day away with a snuggle in the comfort of my own bed. I'm not suggesting to smile when there are other emotions you are legitimately wanting to express. However, smiling really does ease you into a better mood. If smiling daily does not come naturally I would suggest thinking of the last compliment a stranger expressed to you. Consistently remind yourself of how that one compliment made you feel inside.






Songs that help with Confidence Building:

• Whatever Lola Wants by Nina Simone
• Winner by the Noisettes  
• I'm Madonna by Madonna
• You Want This by Janet Jackson 
• Champion by Buju Banton 
• Milkshake by Kelis

22 Things I Would Tell My Younger Self

I'm just now coming into myself and adjusting from my teenage frame of mind to an adult frame of mind. In fact I'm still trying figure out the steps to proper adulting. Every so often I reflect on my life and think, man I wish I knew this earlier, or I wish I would have done this better. So now looking back here are twenty-two things I would tell my younger self if I could acquire a time machine and transport back to the age of... 16

 














   1. It's not your business what people think of you
   2. Wasted potential is one of the saddest things to witness
   3. If you keep saying tomorrow it may never come
   4. Being an introvert is okay
   5. Don't burn your bridges and always keep contacts refreshed

     6. Journaling daily is one the best ways to become a better writer and a better you
     7. Own your decisions completely
     8. Never forget that feeling is always temporary
     9. Document everything, the good the bad and the ugly
    10.Procrastination will become your worst habit to break if you are not careful

    11. Saving money is a habit you want to obsessively stick with 
    12. Other people cannot make you happy only you can
    13. You have twenty-four hours in a day like everyone else, make the best of it
    14. Always write down your ideas and thoughts no matter how silly
    15. Driving is not as scary as it seems





    16. You have to nurture your friendships
    17. If a boy doesn't like you it's not the end of the world, I promise
    18. Prepare to be sad... alot but what you do with that pool of sadness is where your creativity    
    breaks through
    19. Art is a skill you must continuously foster if not your skills set will always remain amateurish
    20. Research skincare and haircare, your future self will thank you




   21. Take a few tech classes and pick up some coding skills
   22. Explore the library more and read up on as many books as you can
   23. Beware of charming men
   24. Always be prepared for that possible opportunity
   25. Loving someone and loving the idea of someone are two different things

Please comment below and tell me 5 things of what you would tell your younger self.

That Girl Challenge Update

Sooooo I started the That Girl Challenge nearly two years ago with a nice list of what I hope to accomplish in this challenge. Well I will surely admit that it was a total bust. But it's a new start and a new year... I am still young and can turn things around. So here is my update to my that girl challenge and how I go about accomplishing this. 

Skincare Game on Point

Skincare Products

Cleanse (Aveeno Foaming Cleanser)

Toner (Rosewater)

Serum (Snail Bee High Content Essence)

Moisturizer (Cetaphil Daily Moisturizer)

Fade Cream (Ambi Fade Cream,Vicco Turmeric Cream)

Sunblock (Nuetrogena Ultrasheer 30+ Sunblock)

Occasionally exfoliate (Alba Botanica Scrub)

My Skincare routine is tailored to adjust all my skincare needs. All products are to help erase my dark acne scars, even and brighten my skin tone, and provide a youthful glow. So the basic skincare routine is to cleanse, tone the skin, use a serum for evening and brightening, a moisturizer to seal and provide supple skin, fade cream to fade dark scars and evening the skin. Sunblock as a last step, to protect the skin from the damaging effects of sun rays. 

I'm Painting My Face

Makeup Arsenal

Primer (Black Radiance Primer)

Foundation (Lancome Teint Idole Ultra 24hr)

Powder (Too Faced Pressed Powder)

Blush (Wet n Wild Mellow Pink)

Contour kit (Sleek, optional)

Eyeliner (Wet n Wild Liquid Eyeliner)

Mascara (Maybelline Colossal Volume Express) 

Lip liner (Mac Cork Lipliner)

Lipstick  (Nude/Revlon Mink Pink)

For the past few years I've been trying out different brands of foundation and powders and experimenting with my makeup techniques. I'v settled into a nice set look and I seem to be receiving compliments all the time from family and friends. I like to call my makeup addiction face painting or putting on my face in the morning, LOL. It's a wonderful art form that adds a touch of luxury to my morning rituals. My everyday makeup routine is a uniform look I've perfected to achieve the look of nice skin and bright big eyes. I use foundation to even my skin tone and conceal my dark marks. For my eyes I create a thin winged line for eyeliner and volumizing mascara to create larger doll like eyes. I just started dabbling in blush and contour powders and I just have to say how much I love these powders as they bring so much life to the face. Pink blush makes my cheeks really rosy and contour powder helps to sculpt my baby cheeks.

Haircare Game on Point

Haircare

Prepoo overnight coconut oil (irregular)

Shampoo twice twice a week

Deep condition protein/moisture twice a week

Moisturize and seal every two or three days

My hair has definitely come a long way, but boy have I had some serious setbacks. I want to say with definite confidence heat is the devil but we are still good friends. So I have just come to terms that I use heat sparingly and I will purchase only high end quality straighteners. I've recently found a set hairstyle that fits my oval face graciously. Half up ponytail half down twistout with a side part of bangs (twists). Side part bangs frame my face really well more so than no bangs. I sometimes change my hair products and try out new ones but I do have a few holy grail items that I keep in regular rotation. Holy grail status: Organics Hair Mayonnaise, Coconut Oil, Aussie Moist Deeep Conditioner, and Shea Moisture Shea Butter Conditioner

 Developing Personal Style 

Nine West Open Toe Heeled Ballet Flats

I have finally found my balance between under dressed and overdressed; it's all about the shoes and the lips. In the last few years I began to cultivate a sense of personal style. I have my new go to flats that are not too casual or too dressy but works for almost any event. Just like with my beauty routine my fashion starts with the basics that compliments my figure and style. In partaking upon that girl challenge I've discovered my own personal style that reflects my personality. My style is classic, chic with whimsical notes and I always go for feminine pieces. My body shape is straight so I steer towards outfits that accentuate my waist and I overly indulge in dresses and skirts more than anything. I tend to gravitate towards solid colors, a few prints, mostly neutral colors or one bright statement piece, flare dresses, a line skirts, and kitten heels. 

In keeping up with that girl challenge, I will be updating once a week. Let me know below in the comments if you want beauty and fashion pictures included everytime. Kind of like Oufit Of The Day (OOTD) and Face Of The Day (FOTD)

Are You Better Than You Were Yesterday?

There are 24 hours in a day and 168 hours in a week, which goes to say there are more than enough hours to accomplish what I set out to do. There is no such thing as I don't have the time, is what I have to remind myself constantly. The other day I was having a wonderful conversation with a dear cousin of mine and his conversation inspired this post. We haven't talked in a long while due to my own selfish and stubborn introverted nature of not keeping in touch. So when we do reconnect our conversations always last hours. When one thread of conversation ventured into a self improvement talk I was genuinely surprised and overjoyed. My cousin like myself is on a self-improvement journey and is always looking for ways to better himself. It's as if my two favorite cousins and I suddenly discovered our 20s is our decade to do better and become better lest before we turn into a scary version of our parents! His breakthrough statement that caught me by surprise "I'm always working on being better than I was yesterday". That one statement sparked a small fire inside me.

It's true competition is always a good thing but the only true competition that really matters is the competition to be a better version of oneself. Putting in effort everyday even on small matters when enforced brings about a wonderful feeling of accomplishment. Practicing certain habits over and over and over everyday with the intention of reaching close to perfection is the goal. So how exactly do I implement this mandate of becoming a better version of myself? I do a self evaluation at the end of every week. While I my jot down notes and tidbits here and there on a daily basis, weekly self evaluations seems less intimidating and much more efficient. My own personal self evaluation consists of the basics: school, health & fitness, social life, inner and outer relationships. Some typical questions I ask myself:

•  Did I speak up in class more than once?
•  Have I participated fully in a social engagement for my campus clubs?
•  Do I call my family members and friends once a week to keep in touch?
•  When engaging in conversations do I listen intensively more than I ramble?
•  Have I watered, nursed, and cared for my plants every day?
•  Have I completed my readings and gone over my class notes daily?
•  Do I maintain my exercise routine every morning and every night with one day of rest?
•  Have I written in my journal daily for reflection, honing my writing skills, and organizing my  jumbled  thoughts?
•  Did I avoid spending money on useless things like vending machine snacks and overpriced  bagels?
•  Do I cook at least three times a week focusing on proper technique and food prepping?
•  Have I practiced my language skills every morning for at least one one hour?
•  Do I listen to political news and podcasts at least once a day?

Readjusting my frame of mind to ask myself the question "Am I I better than I was yesterday?" That should be my one goal that I can be accomplish everyday like clockwork. Improving myself little by little everyday is a small but much needed habit to practice. Once I can re frame my mindset to this I am much better at evaluating my past performance and future potential at the end of the week.