What Will the Next Ten Years Look Like For You?

There's so much more I want to say and dive into politically and socially but I will leave that for another blog post. For now, I'm back to blogging because there so much I want to say. Everything seems so connected and disjointed at the same time. To clarify, a few months ago I decided to truly dive back into the fiction genre. I started by buying several series by Octavia Butler. Octavia Butler is a Black Woman scifi writer who won many awards and is a major mainstay in the scifi genre. The first book I started with was Parable of the Sower and that book could not be anymore scary for its prophesying. I implore you as a reader to buy her novel and start reading. Everything that is happening now has been alluded in her book, which is categorized as fiction. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, and sometimes fiction tells the real truth, while reality is just a glamorized lie. Because of her book, I started to amp up my prepper stash which I am glad I did. Stores in my area started to close early, limit purchase amounts, and many online small companies started having a surge in customers. I made sure to purchase what I considered very necessary items such a large water filter, small deep freezer, gardening seeds, potting soil, and first aid kit supplies.

So now, to come back full circle on this new blog post, and how it connects with Octavia Butler. This wonderful women gave the world and myself two profound gifts. The first one was her large work of marvelous science fiction series. The second was her belief in writing her world into existence. On the latter, Octavia Butler literally wrote her wishes and dreams and how she wanted them idealized into tangible goals. Ms. Butler literally wrote her life into existence. The picture posted above is from one of the pages of her notebooks and is her written manifestations. This has reignited my thinking into planning a road map for my life story.

I want to write on how I plan to make use of the next ten years. The next ten years will be a crucial time period in my life as that will a few years before transitioning into my mid thirties. My last published blog post focused on being consistent with my goals and having daily and weekly challenges to encourage long term habits. Well, some goals were definitely met and exceeded and others are still in progress. My most major goals such as owning my own car, having a savings fund of $1,000, and having a stable full time job that I could live on have not only been met, but have been exceeded! Since I last blogged, I accepted a new position in a new department at work and moved across the country! I saved ten times the amount I needed for my emergency savings, which I am so grateful I was able to do so in light of  the current events now. All of the things I achieved were goals I had written down in my journal, two summers ago. They were very easily tangible goals but very important to me in my young adult years. So in the next upcoming blog posts I will be talking about life roadmaps, goal planning, and strategies. I will also list my main goals for the next ten years.

I'm Not Apologizing for Feminism

Since the democratization, transparency, and easy access of the internet, online communities, movements, ideologies, and so forth have sprung forth from the virtual world into reality. Just like the pages in a book, pages on the internet have ideas that are incredibly contagious. One of the more contagious ideas is the dismal of feminism especially a backlash to the third wave feminism. Third wave feminism which is much more recent and comes from generation X and continued on with millennials. Various online communities such as mens rights activists, traditionalist (Betty homemakers), staunch political conservatives, hotepers and the like have their spat with feminism in general. They and others despise the third wave which focuses on micro-politics, rape culture, gender politics, the wage gap, counterculture, and more. While I may not agree with a good portion of the objectives of what's in third wave feminism, I however will not throw the baby out with the bath water.



I want to say on the record for the internet community to hear: I will NOT apologize for feminism. I will NOT reject the advent and movement of women's rights because a certain wave of feminist thought veered off from the original branch. Is that not how all movements start and continue? A point in history: from Martin Luther's indirect movement of causing others to reject the Catholic church's domineering power and and veer off dividing the church of Rome. From Luther's reformation we have Protestantism. Of course from there two christian sects: Lutherism, Calvinism, and Angelicalism. The veering goes even further but I will stop here. My point should be clear, every movement that gains speed and many followers eventually splits into sects and various strains of differing thoughts and ideals. For some reason the third wave of feminism is the most ridiculed and slammed as if we cannot go back in history and see the same hate for second and first wave of feminism. I can disagree vehemently with feminism today and its over reaching hands in pop culture, advertising, and political thought. I can bang my pretty little head against a wall at how tone deaf many White feminists are about intersectionality with Black women. I can also say the same for every other movement. What I will not agree with is doing away with feminism altogether. Doing away with feminism will not bring the traditional family back together the way many people think it will. Doing away with feminism will not make some men stop hating women, which is just wishful thinking.




While accepting feminism and its many different sects I still have my own thoughts and viewpoints. I am all for women saving their virginity for marriage or a special day when they are ready. I am all for women who wish and plan to be a home maker, business owner, apart of a power couple or become a nun in a covenant. I am all for women having the right to have a safe abortion in an abortion clinic. I agree with feminism in women having the option to exercise their choices in life. I can accept the whole of feminism as a movement I align with and still distance myself from certain sects or stay with the orthodox vision. What I do wish to state is my viewpoint based on world history and my own understanding of people and power dynamics. Patriarchy will always be there no matter what we tell ourselves or how we feel things should be. Men will always have greater power in society to a certain extant. Whether this is a natural or conventional order that I can not be sure of. Womens hard earned rights and freedom are due to women's fight for and mens allowance of such. I don't believe the sexes are equal as in the same therefore I don't believe in the ideology of sex equality. We are two different sexes with great differences but we both are necessary and made for each other. We both bring our own attributes to greater society and neither one is above the other. I do however believe both sexes men and women are of the same worth and value. That is the feminism I believe in. I do not believe patriarchy can be abolished, but you can influence the men in your circle to uplift and secure women's rights. I have all these viewpoints and still I am extremely grateful for feminism and I will not apologize for it.

Five Dating Principles to Think About

I have been contemplating making a relationship post for a few reasons. Well for one I am not a relationship or love guru. Although I've received quite a few requests for dating posts I was not exactly sure how to go about doing such a post. It's taken some time but I think this post should be a good start. This post is a few dating principles I personally believe in. I think they can serve any woman well in the dating game. You don't have to agree with everything I've written and perhaps you only agree with one or two principles because the rest are off putting to you. However I will say "just chew the meat and spit out of the bones".

You should be strategic in dating

Being strategic means knowing that your beauty, youth, and time as a woman are extremely valuable in the dating market. While all three are valuable I believe time is one of the most vital for a woman because once time is lost it cannot be made up for. I watch a lot of Ted Talks religiously and one of my favorite Ted Talks is by a psychologist Meg Jay, titled why 30 is not the new 20. She also has a small book the Defining Decade is based on the talk but I don't believe it to be as good. Meg Jay in her talk is realistic about biology and says your 20s is a developmental and trans formative sweet spot. The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. Being intentional is setting out a clear plan and goal based strategy when dating. I would suggest to make a list on what your most critical needs and wants are, what is actually available and what you have to offer. Then on that list plan out the time frames and what your end goal should be. 

No romance without finance 

Now this dating principle may be a bit vexing to some modernists or those how abhor all traditional dating rules. I myself like a blend of the traditional and the modern when it comes to dating. So with that said, I don't do dutch. No way am I agreeing to splitting the bill for a date. A man in a relationship (or potential) should be helping not hurting you, therefore he should be graciously paying for the date. This is setting a basic financial tone of expectations in the potential relationship. Now not everyone agrees some say this it's the modern times so fair is fair, and rah rah rah something equality rah rah rah something feminism. Well I will just say this there is no such thing as equality in sexual politics of the genders (But that's for another post). Expecting the man to pay for the date is not gold digging. Any man who likens paying for a date being similar to gold digging is not worth dating point blank period.

Never place all your eggs in one basket

By not putting all your eggs in one basket is just equivalent saying do not date one man with an automatic expectation of the end goal being to enter an exclusive relationship. Dating one man can cause a case of pinning after him, lowering your standards if loneliness sets in. There is also the possibility of giving the man the upper hand. I do want to state before any confusion starts to settle in, dating more than one man is not in any way equivalent to having sexual relations with multiple men.  Dating more than one man at a time, just means you are assessing various men for a potential relationship. Naturally as the dating continues you may see that one guy isn't your cup of tea or the other guy gives glaring red flags. Eventually you come to the end of dating game and have the choice to remain single or settle down with one man if there is an offer of an exclusive relationship on the table.

Always Trust Your Intuition

A woman's intuition is there to guide her and it's extremely critical to listen to it intently. That's why the saying always trust your gut is a timeless saying. If you feel suspicions about a guy there is bound to be a red flag popping up shortly in the dating phase. Listening to your intuition can you save time, heartache, and energy. Ignoring your intuition can lead to frustration, dead ends, an wasted energy. Your intuition as a woman is that inner feeling when something is off balance or not quite right. Accept what that gut feeling is telling you and do not attempt to rationalize it away.

A man should love you a little more than you love him

Very rarely do most relationships consist of a 50/50 balance where both the guy and gal are head over heels love with each other. Usually one admonishes the other more a little more. This position gives the woman a slight advantage and reassurance in the relationship. This advice does not equate to dating men you do not like in hopes of eventually liking him, nor does this equate to settling for what's left in hopes of not being lonely. For a man to love you a little more than you love him, you have to start with loving him as well. Naturally this balance of power doesn't always last, it eventually shifts itself especially in long term relationships and long marriages. Love itself fluctuates and has it's highs and lows like everything else. Its the initial phase of the dating & relationship that you gauge whether the man loves a little more. Now I'm sure someone may think or even say "isn't that selfish on the woman's part?" This may be the case and that's okay. I am fine for advocating women being a little selfish in this in this manner when looking out for her best interest.

     

Are You Better Than You Were Yesterday?

There are 24 hours in a day and 168 hours in a week, which goes to say there are more than enough hours to accomplish what I set out to do. There is no such thing as I don't have the time, is what I have to remind myself constantly. The other day I was having a wonderful conversation with a dear cousin of mine and his conversation inspired this post. We haven't talked in a long while due to my own selfish and stubborn introverted nature of not keeping in touch. So when we do reconnect our conversations always last hours. When one thread of conversation ventured into a self improvement talk I was genuinely surprised and overjoyed. My cousin like myself is on a self-improvement journey and is always looking for ways to better himself. It's as if my two favorite cousins and I suddenly discovered our 20s is our decade to do better and become better lest before we turn into a scary version of our parents! His breakthrough statement that caught me by surprise "I'm always working on being better than I was yesterday". That one statement sparked a small fire inside me.

It's true competition is always a good thing but the only true competition that really matters is the competition to be a better version of oneself. Putting in effort everyday even on small matters when enforced brings about a wonderful feeling of accomplishment. Practicing certain habits over and over and over everyday with the intention of reaching close to perfection is the goal. So how exactly do I implement this mandate of becoming a better version of myself? I do a self evaluation at the end of every week. While I my jot down notes and tidbits here and there on a daily basis, weekly self evaluations seems less intimidating and much more efficient. My own personal self evaluation consists of the basics: school, health & fitness, social life, inner and outer relationships. Some typical questions I ask myself:

•  Did I speak up in class more than once?
•  Have I participated fully in a social engagement for my campus clubs?
•  Do I call my family members and friends once a week to keep in touch?
•  When engaging in conversations do I listen intensively more than I ramble?
•  Have I watered, nursed, and cared for my plants every day?
•  Have I completed my readings and gone over my class notes daily?
•  Do I maintain my exercise routine every morning and every night with one day of rest?
•  Have I written in my journal daily for reflection, honing my writing skills, and organizing my  jumbled  thoughts?
•  Did I avoid spending money on useless things like vending machine snacks and overpriced  bagels?
•  Do I cook at least three times a week focusing on proper technique and food prepping?
•  Have I practiced my language skills every morning for at least one one hour?
•  Do I listen to political news and podcasts at least once a day?

Readjusting my frame of mind to ask myself the question "Am I I better than I was yesterday?" That should be my one goal that I can be accomplish everyday like clockwork. Improving myself little by little everyday is a small but much needed habit to practice. Once I can re frame my mindset to this I am much better at evaluating my past performance and future potential at the end of the week.

What Comes First...

What comes first race, gender, nationality, or religion? After first place is filled, what falls into second place, third, and last? However you order these labels numerically gives a clue into who you are as a person and whom you give your allegiance to.When I first came across this question I mulled it over and reflected on the labels earnestly for some time. Originally this question began with only race, gender, and nationality as identity labels. However I included religion due to religion being an immensely crucial identity label for most people.

Self-preservation is the first law of nature. It is universal amongst all living organisms and a hallmark of life. In enacting self-preservation mode it should be noted BLIND allegiance to any label, movement, or identity refutes the basic premise of self-presevation. So the answer to the question above, what identity label comes first... yourself. Yourself should come first before any social label you personally give yourself. I understand my answer to this question may sound a bit sarcastic or "above it all" because well 'yourself' is not presented as a choice in the question. However an inquistive person determines when to bend the rules and think outside the small box :)

Now in understanding social order, I am aware that other people tend to see the labels of gender, race, nationality, and religion first over individual identity. Therefore I choose gender as my second identity. Anything else in identity is of a lesser degree of importance to me. That is how i have always operated ad it as served me well. My allegiance is to myself as an indivual person and then as a woman.

I have a right to exist and so do you. Even more so you have a right to a lofty and well lived exsistence. Its imperative that you place your needs and wants first before giving any BLIND allegiance to anything or anyone else. Self-preservation is about honoring yourself first. Your identity as YOURSELF is more crucial than any other identity in regards to self-preservation. What say you... what identity label do you rank in order of importance? Did you rank yourself first before any other identity?