Natural Hair Talk

I have natural hair texture privilege.

Please let that statement sink in for a moment. To further explain, my hair when soaking wet and dry is naturally curly without any product. It morphs into a curly afro that always elicits compliments. My hair is afro textured but falls under the curly end of the spectrum in which it's labeled the "good grade" of hair. I don't ever recall in my childhood having been mocked for my hair, teased, or ridiculed. In fact, all my life my hair was praised and admired by everyone, especially the Black women in my family. All the same while, cursing their own hair and considering it unruly. Now this is not to say I never had my own hair problems. I do remember at one point begging for a relaxer in the 6th grade because I wanted long straight hair like all the other girls in my class. I am thankful to this day that a good friend dissuaded me from doing, so I was never initiated into the relaxed hair circle as the other Black girls my age were. However, this did not stop me years later from severely damaging my hair due to my increasing addiction to my newly fangled flat iron. So yes, even with all the adoration and compliments from everyone around me, growing up for years I still had daily battles with my hair.

  

However, even with my own hair battles, I have always known, even more so now, that I have hair texture privilege in the natural hair community. I hear comments from other Black women complimenting my hair not for it's hairstyle, but its defined curls. Usually in the same sentence lamenting their own kinky hair. This observation is important to mention because of the increasingly prominent position curly hair has as the face of the natural hair movement. While Black women with napps, kinks, and poofs are pushed further back as secondary or non existent. Black women with kinky hair are not glorified and exalted in the same manner as curly hair is in advertisements and online communities such as YouTube, pinterest, and Tumblr. The same can be said in real life surrounding conversations on natural hair. I watch the way some YouTube beauty gurus lament over not having defined curls or hair resembling the actress Tracee Elliss Ross. I understand it, I really do, but I am here to say natural Black hair, the curls AND the kinks are lovely and divine. I used to be offended when my hair was not seen as Black enough because it was that "good grade of hair." Someone was always commenting on how I must have Indian somewhere in my family. I'm no longer offended, but deeply saddened on such comments but more understanding of where that line of thinking originates from.


Natural Black hair in its afro textured state is not a curse or a flaw. Rather, it is a gift and it is beautiful, period, point blank! The whole point of the natural hair movement was to learn to love, embrace, celebrate, grow, and have pride in an honest and positive manner, specifically for kinky textured natural hair. Now that I am more aware, I make it a point to always compliment Black women on their hairstyles, never emphasizing curl texture. I always talk with little Black girls about their hair on how wonderful, lovely, and unique it is. I share tips that I've gathered from books and internet sites to family, friends, and strangers on properly caring for and growing natural hair. However, most importantly, I monetarily support quality Black women owned hair care lines and businesses that use healthy and non-curl obsessed ads that exalt both kinky and curly natural hair as beautiful and lovely. So here is my tribute to lovely Black women in their natural tresses curls AND kinks.

 


 

   

   

I'm Not Apologizing for Feminism

Since the democratization, transparency, and easy access of the internet, online communities, movements, ideologies, and so forth have sprung forth from the virtual world into reality. Just like the pages in a book, pages on the internet have ideas that are incredibly contagious. One of the more contagious ideas is the dismal of feminism especially a backlash to the third wave feminism. Third wave feminism which is much more recent and comes from generation X and continued on with millennials. Various online communities such as mens rights activists, traditionalist (Betty homemakers), staunch political conservatives, hotepers and the like have their spat with feminism in general. They and others despise the third wave which focuses on micro-politics, rape culture, gender politics, the wage gap, counterculture, and more. While I may not agree with a good portion of the objectives of what's in third wave feminism, I however will not throw the baby out with the bath water.



I want to say on the record for the internet community to hear: I will NOT apologize for feminism. I will NOT reject the advent and movement of women's rights because a certain wave of feminist thought veered off from the original branch. Is that not how all movements start and continue? A point in history: from Martin Luther's indirect movement of causing others to reject the Catholic church's domineering power and and veer off dividing the church of Rome. From Luther's reformation we have Protestantism. Of course from there two christian sects: Lutherism, Calvinism, and Angelicalism. The veering goes even further but I will stop here. My point should be clear, every movement that gains speed and many followers eventually splits into sects and various strains of differing thoughts and ideals. For some reason the third wave of feminism is the most ridiculed and slammed as if we cannot go back in history and see the same hate for second and first wave of feminism. I can disagree vehemently with feminism today and its over reaching hands in pop culture, advertising, and political thought. I can bang my pretty little head against a wall at how tone deaf many White feminists are about intersectionality with Black women. I can also say the same for every other movement. What I will not agree with is doing away with feminism altogether. Doing away with feminism will not bring the traditional family back together the way many people think it will. Doing away with feminism will not make some men stop hating women, which is just wishful thinking.




While accepting feminism and its many different sects I still have my own thoughts and viewpoints. I am all for women saving their virginity for marriage or a special day when they are ready. I am all for women who wish and plan to be a home maker, business owner, apart of a power couple or become a nun in a covenant. I am all for women having the right to have a safe abortion in an abortion clinic. I agree with feminism in women having the option to exercise their choices in life. I can accept the whole of feminism as a movement I align with and still distance myself from certain sects or stay with the orthodox vision. What I do wish to state is my viewpoint based on world history and my own understanding of people and power dynamics. Patriarchy will always be there no matter what we tell ourselves or how we feel things should be. Men will always have greater power in society to a certain extant. Whether this is a natural or conventional order that I can not be sure of. Womens hard earned rights and freedom are due to women's fight for and mens allowance of such. I don't believe the sexes are equal as in the same therefore I don't believe in the ideology of sex equality. We are two different sexes with great differences but we both are necessary and made for each other. We both bring our own attributes to greater society and neither one is above the other. I do however believe both sexes men and women are of the same worth and value. That is the feminism I believe in. I do not believe patriarchy can be abolished, but you can influence the men in your circle to uplift and secure women's rights. I have all these viewpoints and still I am extremely grateful for feminism and I will not apologize for it.

On Building Confidence

Where Does One Gain Confidence?

I am a self professed introvert with a bit of extrovert tendencies. What does that mean exactly? It means I crave solitude and I'm revitalized by my own energy, as in not the energy of others. In fact, I delight in my own solitude for days on end by diving into the world of books, surfing the internet, writing in my notebook, or just baking in the kitchen by myself. However, that alone time tends to distort my frame of mind so I have to actively push myself to socialize with others. When I do this,  I find myself  amongst others. I'm electrified by the energies of family and friends and by the engaging and nourishing conversations I have with them. However I do best with small groups of people, perhaps a group number of no more than five or six; if it is any larger I tend to feel anxious, jittery, and full of nerves. My personality by nature is reserved and observant until I can find common interest with someone. It did take a long time for me to become comfortable around strangers and people I'm not familiar with. Especially given that I genuinely prefer my own solitude. So how did I actually get to that place of comfort meets confidence.

Knowing Who You Are

One of the biggest confidence builders I find is knowing who you are as a person. It took me quite some years to come to a place of being at ease with my own personhood. My high school experience was mentally draining and extremely taxing on my emotions, with the first few years of college following a similar pattern. It was not until I recently found my footing, that I can say I am in love with my own personhood. I have come a long way from my teenage self and now have become more refined, observant, and more in control of my emotional state. With that being said, I have come to the realization that when you know yourself the confidence just exudes from within and you fashion an aura of a woman just content in being. Knowing who you are is knowing where you stand in the world, what you contribute, and why you matter. Well what if you do not know yourself as of yet? What if you are still wandering in search of her? I say "fake it till you make it!' If you are unsure of yourself spend time alone and just practice self-love and becoming a better version of yourself. Practicing self-love can be a daily habit of journaling, exercising, tending to a garden, reading for knowledge and nourishment, and taking up a new hobby such as baking. I also think being self critical and taking note of  your strengths and weaknesses is crucial to knowing who you are as a person.

Smiling is Not a Sign of weakness but Rather a Sign of Strength

On building confidence. In an earlier blog post I raved about the Smile of a Carefree Black Girl. A smile on a woman is like seeing a lovely flower blossom. Smiling is one of the ways to building confidence and is an invitation which lets others know how open you are. No not the fake unauthentic smiling like some people do in pictures but rather the lit from within smile. So I smile when I see someone nearby. I smile when I make small small talk. I smile when I greet strangers. I smile when it rains. I smile when I'm thinking to myself and I smile at the end of the day knowing I can just shush the worries of the day away with a snuggle in the comfort of my own bed. I'm not suggesting to smile when there are other emotions you are legitimately wanting to express. However, smiling really does ease you into a better mood. If smiling daily does not come naturally I would suggest thinking of the last compliment a stranger expressed to you. Consistently remind yourself of how that one compliment made you feel inside.






Songs that help with Confidence Building:

• Whatever Lola Wants by Nina Simone
• Winner by the Noisettes  
• I'm Madonna by Madonna
• You Want This by Janet Jackson 
• Champion by Buju Banton 
• Milkshake by Kelis

22 Things I Would Tell My Younger Self

I'm just now coming into myself and adjusting from my teenage frame of mind to an adult frame of mind. In fact I'm still trying figure out the steps to proper adulting. Every so often I reflect on my life and think, man I wish I knew this earlier, or I wish I would have done this better. So now looking back here are twenty-two things I would tell my younger self if I could acquire a time machine and transport back to the age of... 16

 














   1. It's not your business what people think of you
   2. Wasted potential is one of the saddest things to witness
   3. If you keep saying tomorrow it may never come
   4. Being an introvert is okay
   5. Don't burn your bridges and always keep contacts refreshed

     6. Journaling daily is one the best ways to become a better writer and a better you
     7. Own your decisions completely
     8. Never forget that feeling is always temporary
     9. Document everything, the good the bad and the ugly
    10.Procrastination will become your worst habit to break if you are not careful

    11. Saving money is a habit you want to obsessively stick with 
    12. Other people cannot make you happy only you can
    13. You have twenty-four hours in a day like everyone else, make the best of it
    14. Always write down your ideas and thoughts no matter how silly
    15. Driving is not as scary as it seems





    16. You have to nurture your friendships
    17. If a boy doesn't like you it's not the end of the world, I promise
    18. Prepare to be sad... alot but what you do with that pool of sadness is where your creativity    
    breaks through
    19. Art is a skill you must continuously foster if not your skills set will always remain amateurish
    20. Research skincare and haircare, your future self will thank you




   21. Take a few tech classes and pick up some coding skills
   22. Explore the library more and read up on as many books as you can
   23. Beware of charming men
   24. Always be prepared for that possible opportunity
   25. Loving someone and loving the idea of someone are two different things

Please comment below and tell me 5 things of what you would tell your younger self.

Are You Better Than You Were Yesterday?

There are 24 hours in a day and 168 hours in a week, which goes to say there are more than enough hours to accomplish what I set out to do. There is no such thing as I don't have the time, is what I have to remind myself constantly. The other day I was having a wonderful conversation with a dear cousin of mine and his conversation inspired this post. We haven't talked in a long while due to my own selfish and stubborn introverted nature of not keeping in touch. So when we do reconnect our conversations always last hours. When one thread of conversation ventured into a self improvement talk I was genuinely surprised and overjoyed. My cousin like myself is on a self-improvement journey and is always looking for ways to better himself. It's as if my two favorite cousins and I suddenly discovered our 20s is our decade to do better and become better lest before we turn into a scary version of our parents! His breakthrough statement that caught me by surprise "I'm always working on being better than I was yesterday". That one statement sparked a small fire inside me.

It's true competition is always a good thing but the only true competition that really matters is the competition to be a better version of oneself. Putting in effort everyday even on small matters when enforced brings about a wonderful feeling of accomplishment. Practicing certain habits over and over and over everyday with the intention of reaching close to perfection is the goal. So how exactly do I implement this mandate of becoming a better version of myself? I do a self evaluation at the end of every week. While I my jot down notes and tidbits here and there on a daily basis, weekly self evaluations seems less intimidating and much more efficient. My own personal self evaluation consists of the basics: school, health & fitness, social life, inner and outer relationships. Some typical questions I ask myself:

•  Did I speak up in class more than once?
•  Have I participated fully in a social engagement for my campus clubs?
•  Do I call my family members and friends once a week to keep in touch?
•  When engaging in conversations do I listen intensively more than I ramble?
•  Have I watered, nursed, and cared for my plants every day?
•  Have I completed my readings and gone over my class notes daily?
•  Do I maintain my exercise routine every morning and every night with one day of rest?
•  Have I written in my journal daily for reflection, honing my writing skills, and organizing my  jumbled  thoughts?
•  Did I avoid spending money on useless things like vending machine snacks and overpriced  bagels?
•  Do I cook at least three times a week focusing on proper technique and food prepping?
•  Have I practiced my language skills every morning for at least one one hour?
•  Do I listen to political news and podcasts at least once a day?

Readjusting my frame of mind to ask myself the question "Am I I better than I was yesterday?" That should be my one goal that I can be accomplish everyday like clockwork. Improving myself little by little everyday is a small but much needed habit to practice. Once I can re frame my mindset to this I am much better at evaluating my past performance and future potential at the end of the week.

Four Amazing Women That Inspire Me

As the lovely Abigail Kwakye posted the video 5 Women That Inspire Me, I too felt compelled to talk about women who inspire me as well.

Tina Dico (Tina Dickow) Singer-songwriter from Denmark. 

Tina Dico is one of my favorite all time singers. It was in the eight grade I discovered her music and I have been entranced ever since. I admire and respect the fact that Dico is an independent artist in every sense being, in that she established her own record company Finest Gramophone and heavily promoted her own music through the internet. Dickow is one of the few artists I genuinely admire because she writes her own lyrics, plays instruments, and commands a quiet but strong presence. In fact I have preference for her live recorded shows to her studio versions, which are great too. It's just something mesmerizing about watching her plucking the guitar strings, her husband's fingers on the piano or blowing the trombone, and her voice serenading me that makes me smile. I love that her inspiration for her music is to "create a breathing space and get to know our selves better,.. to promote kindness and soften everything up a bit"  ^_^

Introduction: In the Red Live
Support: Albums

Magatte Wade  Serial Entrepeneur from Senegal.

I recently came across Magatte Wade thanks to this blog/tumblr
Magatte Wade is a Senegalese entrepreneur with a strong and dominant presence. Wade has set up two companies, Adina World Beverages a soft drink brand started in 2004, and Tiossan a beauty products company started in 2008. I respect and admire Wade's focused drive and strong grasp on her cultural roots. I admire how socially aware of the modern world and for recognizing how cultural branding is a way for nations to have a dominant foothold. Wade is very adamant and vocal about promoting her Senegalese culture which I love. In fact her stance reminds of the quote "Unless we know how to sell our culture, others will sell it for us.” - Pierre Sauvalle

Magatte Wade's vision is powerful and precise. I am constantly excited to hear her thoughts on everything. Wade understands how economics works and why African countries need to focus on manufacturing not just constantly exporting natural resources especially dominant oil exporting countries. She focuses going past surviving but thriving for her self and her people. Might I add that she cites her husband Michael Strong as one of the people that inspires her , which is just ever so lovely ^_^

Introduction: The Power of Unreasonable People
Support: Tiossan 

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - Nigerian writer/novelist/essayist

It was the Danger of a Single Story, the second Ted Talk I came across in high school. Thankfully that was my second Ted Talk because the first Ted Talk about statistics bored me to tears :(
I became entranced with hearing her speak and her talk sure did capture my attention. I have watched all current interviews on YouTube about Ms. Adichie and I yearn to hear more of her. She speaks with such conviction and such grace, that I am a big fan. Her writing is so wonderful and expressive in such a poetic way, but her interviews capture me even more. She speaks on culture, gender imbalance, power, love, and even natural hair. I have not finished her novel Half of a Yellow Sun but I promise to do so by the end of April. What I have always taken away from Ms.Adiechie is that she too saved me from the danger of having a single story of Africans. I do wish I came across her books and videos earlier in high school, it surely would have saved me from myself much earlier. I honestly feel that Chimamanda Adichie is to be the Honorary Black Girl :)  She proudly wears her natural hair in various cultural styles, proudly wears complimentary makeup, and dresses in such wonderful taste. Did I mention Ms Adichie she is just gorgeous. :)

Introduction: Ted Talk
Support: Books

Melissa Harris-Perry  - columnist, professor, and political scientist

Melissa Harris-Perry is the go to Black woman for me when it comes to Black women in academia.
I loved her talk on Sister Citizen and the politics of being a Black woman here in America. She expresses herself the way I have always wanted to. She speaks on race, gender, and politics in a very professional and academic manner. Her two books Sister Citizen and Barbershops, Bibles, and BET are on my wishlist as of now. Now there are some aspects in which I vehemently disagree with such as certain feminist and LGBQT talks, and I her insistence on calling herself a cisgendered person. But even with the disagreements I still respect and admire her and her work in academia overall.

Introduction: Sister Citizen
Support: Books

"How a Woman Walks" - Zora Howard

"Walk Like a Woman, did with the suns of a nation complacent in the crook of your neck." - Zora Howard.

Zora Howard is a Black American writer, spoken word poet, and activist with roots in Harlem, New York. Ms. Howard I believe has given phenomenal contributions to modern American poetry and writing. Ms. Howard is also the youngest NYC Youth Poet Laureate.

At some point in my last years of high school I discovered Zora Howard's spoken word performances on YouTube, stumbling upon her video "Walking" as an introduction to her. Mind you when I found her spoken word videos in high school she was only a few years older than me, but her words and voice commanded an age that was far beyond who I saw on the video. Ms.Howard's poetry is heart tugging, engaging, and is heavily sprinkled with biting metaphors that linger in my head for hours on end. I IMPLORE YOU to to set aside time to watch her videos without any distractions. I find my favorite spoken word video by Ms.Howard to be Walking. I can replay that particular video over and over without any hesitation. Every time I hear Zora Howard perform her spoken word piece Walking I want to reach out to every black woman and man and just simply bring them closer towards me and simply hug them. Ms. Howard speaks on everything I have always felt and spoke on but says it with such power and her voice commands great attention.

The main reason I want to show people this particular video are for these lines in particular that really spoke to me.

• Every night since I was nine my daddy told me I really was an angel 
• He mad me promise to always walk like a woman did,
• Carry your divinity in your chin, and try not to trip, walk hard little angel 
• If you lifted your eyes from her breasts maybe you would see your sister in her face and hear her heart trying to break free
• Teach them how to soldiers but never fathers
• We teach them how to be gangstas but when are they going to find time how to dream

Little Black girls you all are angels, every single one of you. Every little girl deserves to be told she is an angel, especially by her father or any other prominent male figure in her life. She deserves the showering kisses of love and attention from her father. As women I truly believe we carry our divinity in our chin as 

Ms.Howard says. Black women and Black men we deserve better, so much better. However this post I want to really speak to Black women when I say this: Promise to always walk like a woman did ... and carry your divinity in your chin.